Natalie (nznats) wrote,

Yay! There are still friends out there *wave*

I am still here and reading, the last year has been awful. Pierre finally admitted he was suffering from depression and started taking meds to remedy that, he quit his job as that was a huge contributor to his mental health going down hill so badly, so things have been very tense, and very tight money wise.

My anxiety is at nasty levels, has been since I was pregnant with Kalina, but hasnt gotten better this time. Not sure what I am going to do, I feel like this switch has been switched and its now stuck on and broken. I am taking meds, but they arent helping that much and I feel like a zombie, poor Pierre is having to carry us both at the moment which cant be helping his state of mind either. Its like bad mojo feeding off each other and its so not healthy for either of us.

On the plus side, he now has a job, that is actually making him happy. Its badly paid and the hours are crap, but he is happy, and actually wants to go and do it, so I really dont have much to complain about. Its nice having a break from each other, we have been living in each others pockets for the last 8 months and its not done pleasant things to our relationship with each other or with the kids. Baby steps getting things back on track though, hopefully we can work on it and start repairing things, I am hoping its not too late.

The kids are just awesome, very trying, and its a huge adjustment being a sahm mama to 4, I only had to do it for 3 weeks after Kalina was born because Pierres resignation date was the 4th June, so its an huge difference. I dont regret that he has been home that long, it has made such a massive difference to my relationship with Kalina, and has helped the other kids in the transition to another sibling cos they were still getting decent amount of attention from us because we could share it.

They are growing far too fast though, Aston turns 4 in March and he is so very excited. I think this is the first time he has had so much excitement about his birthday. He has asked for a Thomas cake and I think we are going to take him out to the old railway in Glenbrook for his birthday as they will have a Thomas display his birthday weekend, and he is still free to get in on the day we are planning to go (charges are for 4+ he turns 4 on the sunday lol) He is a very sensitive little dude, with an awesome imagination, he is really into telling stories of things he does (and sometimes I swear he is telling us of previous lives or something) and seems to channel the things that his dad does ie he catches buses to his work, and cooks pizza and fish and chips and has coke etc its so awesome to see the adoration he has for his dadda.

Amalia is turning 7 this year, I cant believe I have a 7 year old! She is growing up to be such a wonderful little woman. She is going to be a big sister again this year too, with her dad and her other mum due to have a bubba sometime in July/August :D
She is in year three at school this year, and will have her first male teacher which I am quite looking forward too for her, there arent enough male teachers anymore. She adores reading, and loves writing which is so wonderful to see, she is forever writing stories, and has an awesome imagination.

Davien is 3 this year, that seems to have gone by so quickly, yet it feels like he has been here forever. He is a pretty smart cookie, and his language has just taken off alot over the last year. Hes pretty happy go lucky, though we are going through the 2 year old boy stage at the moment which is a bit hard to handle at times. He isnt a big people person which makes taking him out anywhere a bit difficult but we are working on it. He is just about totally weaned, which makes me a bit sad, I am so happy that we made it this long though, and tandem feeding, its not been easy and I am not sure I would do it again, but I am so glad that I did. He is such a lovely little boy.

Kalina is just awesome, 8 months old, furniture surfing, has the cutest little crawl, she sometimes does hands and knees crawling but does a sort of up on hands hop forward, launch self forward kind of thing, very cute too watch and she moves pretty quickly too lol I am so not ready for her to be walking yet, she is still very much my baby. She has been my rock over the last 8 months, and I am so greatful that I have been able to have the time with her that I have. The big kids totally adore her, they dont seem to show a huge amount of jealousy, even Davien which was suprising, but it is great either way.
Its hard to imagine she is my last baby, though she would be the perfecting ending to my child bearing experience.
I cant see myself never being pregnant or birthing again, but not sure about adding another to the family, definitely not for the next 4-5 years. I need at least a year to myself, I would have spent nearly all of my 20's pregnant, or breastfeeding. Over 7 years ive shared my body with someone else and it will be nice when I dont have too anymore, even if its just for a short while :D :D
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